Recap: Mad As Hell, July 6th 2012

The Masterchef judges are in for a surprise when the contestants go insane and burn down the kitchen. Gary and Matt think it’s a little overdone but George says it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten.

“Warning: May Contain Traces of God Particle.”

Shaun was happy that Melinda Taylor was out, but he misses Muammar Gaddafi, and doesn’t think the misunderstanding in Libya would have happened under his leadership. Even his “look”  which commanded authority is missing, except in the Flight Centre ad. The ABS figures are also out, but only by 30-35,000.

The Carbon Tax has been in-place for a week, and if we put a thermometer under the earth’s armpit it would surely show that it’s cooler. But what about the people who pay the tax – us. It burns Shaun up that it’s our responsibility: ‘An Inconvenient Strewth’. Some of the interviews tonight might get a bit hairy, so Sophie Mirabella has joined the show as a St John’s Ambulance volunteer (after her sterling job on Q&A).

Puffy Kardashian Jnr (Francis), spokesman for Greg Combet, told Shaun it was very cynical to say that the tax is just about us making feel good about saving the environment, a bit like buying The Big Issue, but doesn’t actually change anything. It’s about convincing people to buy product which is cheaper because it is greener and it doesn’t attract the tax, rather than the polluting product which will now be more expensive. So why the household assistance package? Isn’t this a disincentive from buying the cheaper product? Puffy was speechless, then terminated the interview and stormed off, to hide in the spiral staircase.

When Shaun asked opposition spokesman, Siziwang Bana (Roz) if they would abolish the Carbon Tax AND the assistance package, she also told him that was very cynical attitude. She then used a bunch of sound bite opinions to describe how Australian’s feel about that tax, before telling Shaun that tackling climate change wasn’t about sound bites. It was then that Shaun noticed the antenna in her ear, receiving signals for what to say. She panicked and went to hide in the spiral staircase, with Puffy.

Fellow newsman Alan Jones thinks that the Labor party has become a divisive cult, but Shaun thinks he’s heard Alan called the same thing.

But Climate Change is about science and facts, and science-ographer Dr Barney Tremelo from CSO Fortescue Metals surprised Shaun by admitting the temperature of the earth was changing. But he argues we’re all too lazy to reduce our CO2 levels. 9/11 showed us that during the embargo on air travel, the lack of fuel particles made the earth warmer – we need to emit more to reflect the sunlight and save us from the CO2 produced by our “rainforests”. When Shaun asked for identification, he bolted for the staircase, but seeing it was full, ran out of the studio, through the ABC and the carpark to a waiting taxi.

Barney took refuge in his home, had a good night’s sleep and felt better in the morning. But without any milk, he made a trip to the shops, at it was here that a piano fell on him. “Insanity gone mad.”

Tony Abbott made his pledge to abandon the carbon tax in newspapers, which seems like he doesn’t want anyone to be aware of it, considering its an obsolete medium.

Xanthe Kalamazoo returned to look at the whether there was life in newspapers yet, discussing it with Caitlin Braniac, who likened News Corp separating their newspaper division from the film and TV division to a pirate hacking off a gangrenous leg. But Fairfax is breathing life into it’s “leg”, and changing the shape of it – not just to Tabloid size, but also Rhomboid, for columnists with an unusual angle.

Desiree Fulton (Emily) reported on the businesses that would be affected by the demise of newspapers: a Paper Mache business which no longer has a way to make its product, a Fish and Chippery which now uses iPads to serve their orders, and a Pet Shop which is now using iPhones to line the bottom of budgie (and parrot) cages. For newspapers it seems, are not just resting, they’ve expired, gone to meet their maker… they are an ex-medium. [Nothing like a Monty Python reference!]

The view from the Top of the Vox Pops started with a choreographed dance to Craig Emerson’s ‘Horror Movie’ performance before asking – “Should Craig Emerson be sent offshore for processing?” One couple was against more Librarian’s coming in, but Libyans were OK if they were qualified, and Nobby was back reminiscing about his 21st.

During the break, Miss Fisher was looking at the bludgeoned corpse of satire, diagnosing a dose of cheap innuendo and exaggerated character acting to cover the lack of content – but don’t dare suggest it be her.

Shaun looked at the new slogan of the Liberal party, “Hope Reward Opportunity” which is filled with such aspiration, but also a subliminal message: Ho ward. But Clive Palmer says that the Liberal’s are Stalinist, and wants to remove lobbyists from the party.To make that happen, Ian Smoothie, a spokesman, says Clive will need to get a group of people together who share his view to help enact change. When Shaun pointed out the irony, Ian tried to bolt, but Shaun convinced him to stay. He then asked Ian to tell us what it is Clive wants, which Ian then said, in Clive’s words and almost exact intonation – for over a minute.

Lack of respect of tradition raises Shaun’s ire. And the Prime Minister wants to get swap our 100 year old copper telephone network with the NBN. Where’s the respect for its years of service!? And why? Just so that she can compete with Korea. Shaun’s just not sure which one – there’s at least two we know of! North Korea don’t even have the Internet, but they do have respect for tradition, such as their celebrations  in remembrance of Kim Il-sung. But Shaun thinks Julia is actually jealous of how their leader gets to drive a tank, compare uniforms with her generals or have thousands offer to do the dusting. Just don’t send Julia a message from regional Australia – it will take ages to download.

The NBN will help people access online casinos, but when the government reneged on its plan to impose restrictions on the industry, the lobby groups went “bunta”. Trudy Progrock reported on if self-regulation was working, and a representative from Magic Unicorn Amusements showed off their latest range, which doesn’t have any flashing lights or pleasure at all. But the secret is actually the chairs, which has magnets to keep patrons on their chairs until all their change and metallic objects have been fed into the machine. When the representative was confronted about this, she too bolted.

In world news (“don’t switch off, it concerns us!”), and with the newly voted leader of the exiled Tibet government visiting Australia, Shaun crossed to the Mad As Hell Chinese Affiliate, who assured us that everything was fine in Tibet. She also advised that none of our leaders, no matter how lowly, should meet with the trator for the sake of peace and harmony with the fair and wise China.

Gay March talked with Shaun about the Queen’s visit to Ireland, where the theme was reconciliation – and reminding them she still ran their country, and they better not forget it.  She even met a former IRA leader, who managed to give Prince Philip a good fright.

Finally, Shaun touched on the winding back of the atomic clocks by one second this week, which was a good opportunity to think about others. Shaun used it to sleep in.

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