Recap: Mad as Hell, July 27th 2012

It’s down to the final two. Who will win? The final all-singing, all-dancing bake-off will see Bazza and Martine facing their final challenge to become Australia’s first KaraokeCook.

Gerry Bowdang was certainly interested in the prospect of child sponsorship; $39 a month seemed quite reasonable. But he was keen to maximise his exposure, and wanted the child to wear the ‘Gerry Bowdang Accountants’ t-shirt and cap for his side of the sponsorship. The agency worker had to be excused… so she could turn on the gas – the whole thing had made her as mad as hell!

This week’s episode was brought to you by the National Disability Insurance Scheme, except in the states who still hadn’t agreed on it.

Shaun, like most Australian’s, compensates for his feeling of cultural inferiority by over stressing the importance of sport – he loves it, and the Olympics. It burns him up that the female basketball team had to travel premium economy, while the men travelled business, so he put it to AOC liason officer Trent Breen (Tosh), who agreed. As Trent was treated to champagne and duck curry, he elaborated on how sport had no class system, and if he watched female sports he wouldn’t care which sex they were. Su Thrivingly, a former Chef de Mission, also agreed, saying that how athletes are treated should be based on how proud we feel about them; nothing else. Su herself was treated to water and an apple, at a cost of $9. And a female flag bearer would be great, assuming she was of flag bearing age.

Later, Shaun will talk to 7th place Tour de France getter Cadel Evans, who has returned home in a crate, and British Open (loser) Adam Scott, who is just wrapped like a parcel.

Like many others, Shaun received a text message blackmailing him for money on the threat of death – but in his case, it was just from Josh Thomas.

Tony Abbott has interrupted his national hairnet tour to visit the US and China, because he wants to be seen in the company of other world leaders. ie. product placement. US Vice President Joe Biden referred to Abbott as Prime Minister, although his gaff record is pretty high. But Abbott seemed Prime Ministerial, as he criticised our defence spending and then pretended to be best friends with both the US *and* China. Tosca Le Roux, who is embedded with Abbott, thinks he is just getting excited, playing to the crowd. She doesn’t think being embedded compromises her independence, and before she could make her one complaint about Chinese press freedoms… the link was cut.

With the UK police, army and striking border control workers distracted by the Olympics, it occurs to Shaun that it would be a great opportunity for Julian Assange to escape the Ecuadorian embassy. Xanthe (Roz) spoke to Carrington Mews (Francis), former ASIO agent, who had a model (of a plane), but also a plan for Julian to escape underground into Harrods, possibly in(to) women’s underwear.

But Julian’s not the only one travelling to a small country in South America – Médecins Sans Qualifications is a small group working in Columbia, with a team of three who have no idea about what they are doing. Even their misplaced over enthusiasm can’t save the people who they ‘extract’ from the nearby hospitals.

To the Top of the Vox Pops (“Are Height Loss Centres a good idea?), where reading about print proves that it isn’t dead, Lionel revealed his password is password, and Guido Hatzis admitted to being responsible for the latest glacier separation.

Union Leader Tony Sheldon has threatened to withdraw political donations to Labor if they dump Julia Gillard before the next election, but spokesman Steve McCloud quite calmly advised that he didn’t hear a threat at all, and neither did Shaun. Julia was merely their preference – Steve didn’t believe anyone was doing any bullying, and any “over-educated, snow-topped TV nancy boy” should be careful what they say, unless he wants to be “filled in” at a concrete pour.

In the latest ABC Shop ad, the staff are undertrained, inexperienced and underqualified – but suggest that customers shop online instead, where it’s cheaper, and you’re out of a job.

Wayne Swan’s impersonator was unavailable to discuss the latest poll figures for Labor or Julia Gillard’s leadership, so Shaun spoke to chief of staff Brian Gorman impersonator Allan Goldsby (Francis), who refuted all speculation on a leadership change, pointing to the source of the speculation as the media itself – they only deny it because the media speculates it. Mr Goldsby also does a good Milo Kerrigan impersonation, and Shaun admitted it was quite accurate.

Later, in a finance report, Shaun will find out that the reason Jack Cowen got a seat on the Fairfax board to represent Gina Rinehart – as he owns so many fast food outlets, it’s more of a customer loyalty thing.

If laughter makes the world go round, Mad As Hell is going to aid that rotation with a new segment – “Prankz”. Veronica and Tosh (both with university degrees, so this counts as satire), kidnapped Wayne Swan while dressed as coins, taking him for a ride like he has the economy, then dropping him out of a plane, so he can feel what it’s like for the Australian dollar to drop below parity. Even after Swan ended up in the hospital, they blocked up all the toilets so he had to walk to the porta-loo in the carpark… then blew it up with a rocket launcher. That was the final straw, as all the hospital staff chased them off into the distance.

It was over to Maggie again at the commentary box, and even after 2 and 1/2 months of preparation, they were going to skip the Olympics opening ceremony to catch a West End show. Especially since the BMX demonstration was dropped from the ceremony, and Maggie is certainly a fan. But why drop 30 minutes when you could start 30 minutes earlier? The Duke of Kent interrupted, and no more sense could be made.

Luckily we had Bill and his wisdom to reflect on Olympic history, although he forgot Melbourne ever held the games before Sydney in 2000. Back in those days, Bill recalls a fear of the unknown, and foreigners arriving in big metal birds frightened us. He also remembers rounding up the vagrants and shooting stray dogs, but not much else. But he did have Dawn Fraser, or more accurately Matt Welsh, staying with him in the spare room.

Shaun has certainly enjoyed doing Mad As Hell, but rather than speak for the rest of the cast – he’ll sing about it! And we were treated to a performance of The Look of Love.

Thank you indeed Verity.

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