Haunted by the death of her refrigerator expansion valve, a young woman moves to Tuscany to begin a new life, only to discover that you can’t escape your past (the broken expansion valve follows her there).
Where were you when Bill Shorten debated Malcolm Turnbull? Probably watching Masterchef. Bill’s having trouble saying Malcolm’s favourite word: growth. Which is a problem with a little over a month till the election, according to Barbara’s election countdown jumbo-tron. It’s a long campaign, but the Americans do it longer, not that we can learn anything from them.
The polls have both leaders at 50/50, so they must be doing something right. Both are doing the opposite of each other – if one wears a yellow hi-vis vest, the other will wear orange. But they’ll need to differentiate themselves more, maybe not as much as the new leader of the Philippines, who wants to personally shoot people who are into drugs. Pauline Hansen has been trying her best, but that mostly involves waving at passing cars.
In fact, both sides have been helping each other. Scott Morrison examined Labor spending black hole, but created a black hole of his own within it. Ian Orbspider, professor of pedantics (Francis), believes that the black hole can only be seen by special tools, possibly such as Christopher Pyne. Tony Burke of Labor was proud to announce that Liberal party policies will be announced by the Liberal party, but it was Mathias Cormann’s accidental praise of Bill Shorten that finally got a zinger out of Bill: that Turnbull’s scare campaign was terminated.
Darius Horsham doesn’t think much of the links between Mathias and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and believes his accent is perfectly reasonable. But be aware: a Medicare rebate freeze is coming!
Barnaby Joyce proved he thinks more of animals leaving the country than arriving (ala Johnny Depp), linking it with people smuggling, but it was David Feeney who ran out of feet to shoot. Acting flustered during an interview, he forgot one policy because he’d been focusing on his previous forgetful gaff – proving there’s only so much information you can fail to take in. He then left behind confidential campaign material in the hands of the media.
Sgt Max Payne (Francis) takes a dim view of a former NSW Labor boss misusing electoral role details, especially in a low light. Threatening messages can be made with bullets or through sabotage, like using the incorrect wallpaper throughout an apartment building – it is wrong on so many levels.
To help people determine which senate nutcases they are voting for, there will be party logos on the ballot papers. Marty Goldsmooth (Nicholas) helped guide Shaun through some of the logos, although he wasn’t very good at picking them.
We all have to live within our means, and Gareth McTrubador (Francis) helped explain trickle-down-economics by describing how more of his colleagues are required to clear up the mess created by the rich when they pour too much champagne on a tower of glasses.
What happens when some of the children in this ‘unattended creche’ act like turds? ASIC is the nanny in this analogy, but what is stopping the banks from passing on the new ASIC levy to customers? Vana Carpathian (Emily) and Leizel (Roz) from the ANZ were as helpful as always in answering Shaun’s questions, although there might be a service charge.
Later, Shaun will talk to a parent about the new “silent on the sidelines” initiative, although it may descend into violence.
Coming up after the show, an Old English Comedian’s tour of Mexican Laundromats. On ABC2, Father Brown threatens to cancel his Telstra contract due to its support of gay marriage.
Fairfax is undergoing more cuts and Cardimom Pye (Francis) doesn’t think quality will be compromised, because it is easily exchanged with quantity. Chris Lorax (Tosh) from News Corp explained they keep their head above water by reducing the text content to almost nil, matching their readers desire to read with their staff’s ability to write.
The Media Sasquatch cast its eye on Andrew Bolt’s segment on Sky, who works 70 hours a day, 7 days a week – bending the laws of time. And his $200 per editorial fee is taxed at 50%, which goes towards the very welfare he earns a living complaining about – Shaun smells a Logie!
What does Free Range mean for eggs? Fart McKaskill investigates how the new regulations discriminate against agoraphobia chickens, but could be a godsend to those who have an entire apartment building to themselves. Smaller farms can’t compete in this new free range market, but perhaps the free range asylum seeker market is more lucrative.
Finally, Malcolm might have been reduced to some awful puns during this campaign, but at least they are not as bad as Bill’s zingers.